Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
