i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
