Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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