i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
