I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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