Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
