i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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