Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
