you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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