there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
