some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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