so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
