We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's the barista slut.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
