Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize