Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
