Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
