the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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