I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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