Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
