Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
