i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
