My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Less talking, more tequila
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
im on a boat
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