Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
