I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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