Just took my morning after pill in the library
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
