Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
