the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
