life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
