is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
