I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
