Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
