Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
