May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
