i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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