one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think my mom watched the whole time
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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