Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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