He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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