i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
