THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
