yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sorry about my life...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
