so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize