PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
