saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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