meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize