i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
