I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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