I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
