You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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