I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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