Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
