The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
