4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
