At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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