dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
