She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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