My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
