the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize