We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
