you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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