I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
