she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
