Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
