last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
