so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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