i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
