I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
