absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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