I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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