Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
