I'm really into asian looking animals
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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