in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I smell like Dick and happiness
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
