He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
