I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
