The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
