wanna go halves on a baby?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize