I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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