she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
