it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
