Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
