I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
