Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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