The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's blow job season.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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