Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
